I need to ask a favor of you. Although I am not someone who follows football at all, I am very aware of your team due to my brother being a fan. I do live in Florida so it should make sense that I should be a fan too.. and I can be.. if you do one favor for me. See... I need you to obliterate a team called the Jets. They recently signed a very bad man to be on their team and I need you to destroy them on the field. (if you could also win the Super Bowl that would be awesome as well since I have never really seen my brother all that happy during football season.. so.. if you won that also, it would really make his life- but, really.. just annihilating the Jets would make me happy).
The bad man I speak of is obviously Michael Vick. As you know, he was involved in dog fighting and did horrendous things to the poor dogs. The NFL has made the grave error of not shunning this criminal who tortured, but they accepted him in with open arms and he now makes more money in a year than most hard working, non torturing, non criminal people will make in a lifetime. I think that is a heaping, steaming load of crap. The only way I see to get him is to beat the ever loving crap out of his team.. and the others he was part of as well- the Eagles could use a trashing as well. This is where you come in - I NEED you to be the ones who teach the lesson Miami Dolphins you must smash the Jets.. and wiping out the Eagles and possibly washing out the Falcons would be really nice as well.
The fact is that I call upon your help not simply because my brother is a fan and you are one of the few teams whose colors I recognize on a uniform (love the colors by the way, but not a huge fan of the logo redesign), but there is one other super important reason you must nix the Jets.. one very big reason. You need to do it for the dogs. Miami has what is called BSL. BSL is breed specific legislation. It is crap. What it does is make certain dogs illegal base upon their look. BSL exists because of panic and people like Michael Vick help keep it in place by doing what horrible things he did with those dogs. People who breed and fight the dogs keep up the impression to society that the dogs are bad- the dogs are not bad- the people like Michael Vick are.. but, people like him get away with their brutality while the dogs who 'look' like those involved in fighting are deemed illegal and many die. The victims of fighting (the dogs) and the victims of BSL (the dogs) never get signed to Jets or other teams- they get euthanized. So.. a win against the jets is a win against BSL. Miami Dolphins- you can help these dogs by scrubbing the Jets.. you really can.
You might wonder why I even care about BSL and what happens in Miami since I don't even live there. In my county, BSL is illegal so all the dogs here are safe from it. Once upon a time, I used to drive over to the Miami shelter and take photos of the dogs and cats for an art project I am working on. In that time, I met many 'illegal' dogs. I met dogs that were just amazingly friendly and they had done nothing wrong. They looked wrong.. that is it. Those dogs were illegal to be adopted in the county and now those dogs are dead. It broke my heart into a million pieces every time I saw a dog or cat euthanized that I had met and fell in love with at the shelter... the ones who broke my heart the most where the illegal ones.. since they never had a chance of being adopted. They never had the chance.. they never did anything wrong.. yet, the one who did wrong is out on a football field being cheered on and paid handsomely. Something is very wrong with this picture. Miami Dolphins.. I really need your help on this- your squashing the Jets wouldn't just mean so much to me and your #1 fan who is my brother, but also it would mean something to all the dogs who were taken by BSL in Miami.. and those killed and tortured by Vick himself.. and all the other victims of dog fighting and BSL. Your liquidating of the Jets would be the most amazing thing to all the victims.. like a tribute to them to end all tributes.. it would be unbelievably amazing.. it would really matter. I promise.
So Miami Dolphins, now you know why I ask you to take apart the Jets. You are my only hope. I promise to actually watch your games if you do this and I might even get one of those big styrofoam fingers with your team on it. That would be huge as I have NEVER owned a large styrofoam finger in my life- ever .. but, Miami Dolphins.. I would get one for you.. if I can just count on you to shatter the Jets. I don't even know when football season starts, but I think you have time to practice... I think you have time to prepare for this epic journey. Please, Miami Dolphins, please do this for me. I do want to say that I did google your last game with them.. it did look like they ravaged you - so this would also be a really nice chance for you to seek revenge. Revenge with an nice moral ground to it.. ethical revenge. You can do this Miami Dolphins.. I know you can.
In closing, I just want to say that if you do lay waste to the Jets I promise that I will learn to love your new logo design and I will Google football terms so that I can cheer you on. Not only will I get one of those big styrofoam fingers, but I will also actually watch your games. (Once you, the Miami Dolphins, completely vaporize the Jets.. I will also get my dogs Miami Dolphin dog shirts to wear in your honor.) I need you to do this. Just to help you understand a little about why it is so important to absolutely level the Jets and show them Vick was a bad choice, I have attached some images of some of the dogs that I met in Miami - victims of BSL... please look at them and realize that they are the victims of all of this BSL and they are not the ones who should be illegal - Vick is.
You can do this Miami Dolphins- you can. I have faith in you.
(potential future owner of a large styrofoam finger with the Miami Dolphin's logo on it)